Nitai is Balaram

The many aspects of the eccentricity of Nityananda defeat the madness of illusory existence without the Lord.  Without Balaram we will believe the uniqueness of Maya. For the mercy of Lord Nityananda we can realize the existence of the Lord in  mantras. Balarama embodies the  quality of omnipresence of the Lord.  For the grace of Lord Nityananda we receive the Mahamantra and for His grace we hear it while we chant it.  By developing infinitesimally one quality of one  mouth of Ananta Sesa, Lord Balaram, we transcend the material energy.  The intent of the creation as enacted by Lord Balaram is spiritual. Lord balarama is in constant expansion through each sound which is uttered to glorify the Lord. Whatever form re-establishes the existence of the Lord is Balaram. Lord Balaram when manifests His lila in the material world is often furious because the refusal of the Lord, present only here, is the  challenge to Him, who is the very existence of the Lord.

"The Sesa who is the adhara-sakti (supporter-power) of the bedstead of Visnu (Wielder of the Sarnga bow), is in the category of God (Visnu-tattva).

The Sesa who bears the globes is an avesa-Avatara (absorption-avatara) of Krsna (or Sankarsana), and therefore He is (also) known as Sankarsana. The bedstead feature of Sesa always considers Himself to be an eternal servitor and friend of the Lord Sarngadhara (wielder of the Sarnga bow)."Bhaktisiddhanta S. Thakur

           Nitai is Baladev         ⁽¹⁾

without chess board

but with a love load

abandoning all rules

has become an avadhut.

Balaram is the throne,

the umbrella, the flute  

Nitai is the servant of Mahaprabhu,

Nitai is Baladev and Ananta Sesa,

with thousands mouths

chants "Hari Hari" in Gaudadesha;

Nitai is Balaram

the sustainer of the worlds

catches Nimai

who in love sways and falls, ⁽²⁾

always by His sides

Nitai holds his crackedling throne. ⁽³⁾

Nitai is Baladev, unarmed

shooting love through His glance

brings the river of prem,

without a plow in His hand;

Balaram constantly, repeatedly

expands in sound

Nitai graces all entities

with the Great Mantra

and the abilitity to hear it

as the Paramatma.

Balaram is Nitai, 

who carries a staff

His clothes are blue

wears one earring

and has become an avadhut.

Balaram has the gait of an elephant

reveals force and power

but Nitai, with the soft feet of a dancer 

intoxicated by sweetness, meanders;

Nitai is Balaram causing an ocean to rise

the heart cannot stop to dance and to cry

leaving the ego and the pride

to drown and die.

Nitai is Balaram the upholder of rules

but now is an avadhut.

1         1)    CC Adi 5.6 "That original Lord Kṛṣṇa appeared in Navadvīpa as Lord                       Caitanya, and Balarāma appeared with Him as Lord Nityānanda."

2)    ”As the powerful Nityananda caught hold of the Lord, Advaita secretly took the dust from the Lord’s feet.”  Caitanya Bhagavata MK 8.143

3)    “He (Caitanya) sat down upon Vishnu’s throne.  The seat crakled under His weight.  Nityananda quickly rushed to hold up.” Caitanya Bhagavata MK 8.283

Debt of Love

CC Antya Lila 7.43 "The conjugal love of the gopīs is the most exalted devotional service, surpassing all other methods of bhakti. Therefore Lord Krishna is obliged to say, 'My dear gopīs, I cannot repay you. Indeed, I am always indebted to you."

Prema-vilas - Ch 7. Text 126-127  by Srila Nityananda Das

"Feeling separation from Me, Radha and the gopis have given up Their lives.  Now I shall also give up My life for her.  You will see me in that condition, O Lokanath."

Excerpted from Sri Krishna Kathamrita Bindu Issue No134

"With that prema they [gopis] have given up everything. [...] By their love, Krishna's promise was broken. His pormise is -'As someone approaches me I reciprocate accordingly' {Bg 4.11} Krishna never becomes indebted, He always repays his debts. But this promise of his was broken by the gopis, because the gopis do not want anything, how will he repay them?

[...] {Bhag. 10.32.22} "I have become completely indebted to you. I cannot pay you back, because you don't want anything. What shall I do?"

To pay back his debt he became Gaura, assuming the mood of Radharani is crying and feeling acute pangs of separation from Krishna. This is Gaura. [...] As Radharani is crying, crying, crying and drowning herself in this unfathomable ocean of separation, similarly Gaura is burning himself with the fire of separations from Krishna."

ROBBED HEART - The song of Gadadhara Pandit

smara gaura gadadhara kelikalam
bhava gaura gadadhara paksacaram
srnu gaura gadadhara carukatham
bhaja godruma-kanana kunjavidhum

"Remember the wonderful pastimes of Gaura and Gadadhara. Become a servant of Gaura and Gadadhara. Listen to the beautiful narrations concerning Gaura and Gadadhara, and worship Lord Gaura, the beautiful moon of the groves of Godrum." Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur

Excerpt from lecture of  Srila B.R. Sridhar deva Swami : [...] Gadadhara Pandita appeared and disappeared during the summer season, under the new moon. Mahaprabhu took the fullest advantage from Gadadhara, and sent him to the most negative position. Gadadhara Pandita gave himself voluntarily to Him. His very heart was drawn by Mahaprabhu, bhava-kanti. And he, just like a shadow, gave the entirety of his wealth to Mahaprabhu. Gadadhara Pandita was a shadow, running after Him as if his heart had been stolen. This person stole all his wealth, and he was fully dependent on Him. Like a shadow, he is moving after Him.

Put in music : https://soundcloud.com/mauro-auaro/robbed-heart

The Moon that rose

among new groves

stole my love,

the golden moon rays

shine with the wealth

of my robbed heart ~

now emptied like a night

plundered of its moonlight.

As a shadow

of my own heart,

I follow behind

as He desires,

like a hollow husk

seems to fly and be alive,

twisting and turning

in wafts.

My heart was

my whole world,

I was the Queen

of that kingdom of love,

now ransacked,

I am exiled,

this emptied body

still standing

always at His side,

onlooker of my own love.

The broken-winged bird

that is my heart,

still breathes,

but this air has no life,

because, unable to fly

in the moods of love,

pitiable, passive, it waits

for His hands to lift it up.

As whips of the wind

put the ocean into motion,
 now, as the owner of my love,

He is still the only one

to raise waves

on the waters of emotion,

ruffling the dead calm sea

of this life 
spent as the shadow of my love,

heralded, since its dawning, 

by a dark moon night.

Lamentation of Vishnupriya-devi

Bhakti Ratnakara Chapter 4 :"Because of separation from Caitanya, she never slept at night. If at all she slept, she would lie on the hard ground.
Her golden complexion had grown pale like the new moon. While chanting the names of Hari, she would set aside a grain of rice for each mantra.  Later in the day, only those grains would be soaked and offered to the Lord.  The offering was very small, and yet she would eat only a portion of it. "

Vishnupriya devi Thakurani lived her life in the slow burning agony of separation from Sri Gouranga after His departure. Nor would anyone ever hear her voice.  Constantly shedding tears .....

My heart walls in

a labyrinth of lamentation
where time is marked
by the fall
of a grain of rice
into a bowl,
then soaked in tears
that swell and drop
endlessly
from inner silent corners, 
where nothing else exists
but Your name
flowing in a stream,
there the chanting, the divine love
any instant of You -
abides,
 keeps me alive,
yet oblivious to life.
and You come in dreams  ⁽¹⁾
bathed in autumn moonlight
Your words my only delight;
neither the sun
nor the moon
giver of rest,
will ever rise
in this continuous sunset
of your absence,
and in this numbness
of my being
I lie on the bare ground
of my barren life;
time was meaningful before,
because of You,
when You ate, You slept or bathed,
what a piercing of the heart
this passing of the hours,
 no one has ever lived
without even
the slightest hope
of Your return!

(1) The dream by Sri Vishnupriya-devi BR Ch. 4 "Just then Sri Vishnupriya-devi was telling her favorite maidservant that she had had a dream, which she would describe.  Her Lord, who was the attractor of the entire creation, had appeared before her in an enchanting pose.  [...]  In his affectionate way, Caitanya made Visnupriya sit down, and he spoke to her in a soft sweet voice : ' A brahmana boy named Srinivasa has suffered indescribably.  Today he will come to see you.  Knowing him to be a dear devotee, you should bestow your mercy on him.'  Caitanya continued to delight her with his pleasing words and then suddenly disappeared, and she awoke in distress."

ALLEGRETTO for Navadvip

CC Adi Lila 14.3 “I have thus described in brief the advent of Śrī Caitanya Mahāprabhu, who appeared as the son of mother Śacī, exactly as Kṛṣṇa appeared as the son of mother Yaśodā.”

Sri Navadvipa-dhama Mahatmya  “You should know that all the pastime places of Vrndavana are situated within this place. Make no distinction between Vrndavana and Navadvipa, nor between Gouranga and Krsna" -

excerpted from 

This poem was inspired by the poetry: "The holder of the flute now carries a danda"

by the medieval Gaudiya Vaishnava poet Balaram Das

ref. Sri Krishna Karnamrita  No9 - pg.34

There is continuity in the Lord’s pastimes and by the mercy of Lord Caitanya, His devotees simultaneously reside in Vraja and Navadvip absorbed in the Lord's pastimes within their hearts.  This poem unfolds this meditation. 

Walking into the Lord's Garden

“Thus although Krishna, His associates, and His abode are seen in various forms in

different places and in dreams and other special states of consciousness, they are always real.” – Sri Brhad Bhagavatamrta 2.4.161-162

Caitanya meeting with Nityananda - Nandanancharya Bhavan

There is a physical place to walk into the remembrance of the Lord’s pastimes, form and love by retracing the steps into Lord Caitanya’s pastime when meaningfully revealed the personality of Lord Nityananda, the Guru, who bestows spiritual vision. So, several times I did walk down the crowded road just out the Chandrodaya Mandir  and under the arched gate of Nandana Acharya place, to walk into a special pastime within my mind.... [cont. below  The Story behind the poem - please read it before the poem]

---

 Walking into the Lord's Garden

With eyes bereft of mercy,

all they see

is a crowded road

of bustling humanity,

loud and rough

and cloaked

with smoke, mud and dust;

but alongside the road there

runs a wall,

unseen and veiled by the mold;

if only the lotus

of the heart unfolds,

the shouting, the clattering,

and the erratic to and fro

will vanish like a fog,

 as it is taken into flight

on one wing of the heart

through that arched threshold

to the vision that it holds;

  An emerald garden,

wherein shines a temple

of sapphires and gold

and diamond inlaid walls,

resplendent like a lotus

with a golden whorl,

that blooms under a vault

trimmed with strands of pearls.

There saints sing and dance,

shrouded in moonbeams,

with glinting tilak on their foreheads,

and rapt in rays of bliss

hold up a palanquin made of gems;

Yet this scene remains unseen

if doubts don't leave,

but abide in my heart

- so deeply.

I'm here, unable to step in

to this garden of blossoming devotion,

nor can I perceive

the crowd of saints in this place,

or hear in their midst,

of Nimai’s dream,

of the coming of Balaram's chariot

bedecked with a palm tree,

and neither can I see

this clear lake of Vraja,

these brilliant groves,

the kund of Radha,

and the myriads of cooing birds

chanting the glories of Nimai.

 I cannot hear! I cannot see!

Now my heart weeps,

O Nityananda Ram!

Please let me see the Dham,

open my inner eye

with Your wealth of Love.

“Anyone who hears about the meeting between Nityananda and Gouracandra is freed from material bondage.” CB MK4.65

(1)- Ref. Gauradesa pg 77

(2)- Navadvipa Bhava Taranga Text 26-29

The story behind the poem

./. 

The place called Nandana Acharya's House in Mayapur is just a couple of  hundred meters from the Chandrodaya Mandir on the left side going towards the Jalangi River.

This is the place where Lord Caitanya and Lord Nityananda met for the first time.  The following is excerpted from Gauradesa pg 77 -[Transcendental Island of ] Antardvipa :

“Caitanya Mahaprabhu had already told the devotees that a great personality would arrive in Mayapur very soon and the Vaisnava community was excited in anticipation.Then gathering all His associates together, Gaurasundara told them of a dream He had the previous night. He dreamt that Lord Balarama arrived on a chariot and asked Caitanya Mahaprabhu many times “Is this the house of Nimai Pandita?” When Lord Caitanya replied, Balaram said “I am Your brother and we shall meet tomorrow.” Caitanya Mahaprabhu then asked Srivasa Pandita and Haridasa Thakura to go out and find this personality but they returned three hours later without any success. Gouranga Mahaprabhu laughed, “Come with Me,” He said and took the jubilant devotees directly to Nandanacarya’s house.

Ecstasy overwhelmed the two eternal brothers as They beheld each other’s divine forms for the first time. Lord Caitanya embraced Lord Nityananda and tears cascaded down Their faces as the two Lords swayed in each other’s arms. They became unsteady in spiritual agitation and rolled on the ground, their bodies trembling in ecstasy.” excerpted from Gauradesa pg 77 Isodyana – Antardvipa

Nandana Acharya's house is the place where Lord Caitanya revealed the personality of Lord Nityananda. There is an esoteric message in this pastime and that is that only Lord Caitanya can reveal the personality of Lord Nityananda - only by His mercy can one find Lord Nityananda.

CB MK 3.170 "In this incarnation Lord Nityananda is most confidential. One can see Him only when Lord Caitanya reveals Him." 

There is more to unfold in this story I am narrating ...

The pastime that took place at Nandanacharya's House was often in my mind, so whenever I was in Mayapur, in the time that it took to get one or two rounds done, I would frequently walk those few hundred meters down the crowded and boisterous road then along the unassuming and somewhat silent wall up to the gate of Nandanacharya Bhavan. There I would look at the depictions on the inside of the wall and revisit the story of the meeting between Gaura and Nitai.

I had jotted down a few stanzas on these inner excursions to Nandanacharya's House and to further pluck my poetic chords with more inspiration and enrich my visualization of the place, I started to search for more references.
From the Gauradesa book I found the reference to the Navadvipa Bhava Taranga of Srila   Bhaktivinoda Thakur. In this book he reveals each place in Mayapur as a place of pastime in Vrindavana and this was very inspiring for my research on Nandanacharya's place. The following is an excerpt about the area where Nandanacharya's house is situated: 

^“In the southern portion of Mayapur, on the bank of the river Ganga and very near its junction with the river Sarasvati, is the extensive grove called Isodyana  (The Lord’s Garden). May that Garden be the place of my eternal devotions. In this Garden, my Lord Sri Saci-nandana performed midday pastimes along with His devotees.  Seeing the brilliance of this grove, I shall be reminded of Radha Kunda in Braja. May all these areas be eternally visible to my eyes. Huge trees and dark vines appear very dense. Among the foliage are various types of birds singing the transcendental glories of Lord Gaura. There is a large lake and an extremely opulent temple glowing with pure gold inlaid with diamonds as well as blue and yellow sapphires. The materialists, with their eyes bewildered by the illusions of material sense perception, and who are envious of the Lord, can never see these groves.  Rather, they see only a small piece of land covered with thorns, periodically thrown into utter disruption by the forceful flooding of the river.” Navadvipa Bhava Taranga Text 26-29

My first realization was - Since I do see with "eyes bewildered by the illusions of material sense perception" ...I..."can never see these groves." It was a fact that I only saw the dusty, smelly, noisy, messy road ...

However now the place I was trying to walk into had a name - Isodhyana - the Lord's Garden, and I could add so many elements to my visualization whenever I went to Nandanacharya's House. The lakes, the brilliance of the grove, the inlaid walls with diamonds, but also Caitanya, the chariot with the palm tree flag, the dream ...

So I would leave behind the clattering and the vociferous crowd by going through the gate of the Lord's Garden, and taking a leap therein on the wings of the heart. But I needed to word that single emotion which glued together all those different moods and visions of that place, and all this in blindness, due to my inability to see that reality of the Lord's abode.
Krishna is Caitanya, Caitanya is Krishna. Caitanya lila and Krishna Lila are non-different, there is continuity and intertwining of events and personalities. This hidden garden was releasing nectarean eye-drops to perceive the two lilas happening simultaneously, but still my inner eye was shut to this wonder of the soul.
So for long time I remained stuck with my poem, but I kept recalling Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur's realizations and vision and to walk into the Lord's Garden with anticipation in the heart.
In the meantime I found a sloka which I felt was important and meaningful to this inner search for emotions and words to express them, by taking these lilas into the heart and seeing the reality of the two abodes at once :

“Thus although Krishna, His associates, and His abode are seen in various forms in different places and in dreams and other special states of consciousness, they are always real.”-Sri Brhad Bhagavatamrta Vol. II 4.161-162

There were so many elements to take into my vision that were beyond the illusory reality of my doubts and the subtleness of enviousness, as Sri Bhaktivinod Thakur had explained.  

I was in Mayapur and my file on Isodyana was always open on my desktop.

After class I used to meet with a friend for some exciting Krishna Katha, just one hour or so every day and after we would part for our respective engagements.

One morning she came and was very excited because she had had a dream - this is in her own words: 

“A voice said that it’s impossible to see the Dham with these eyes, you need a different set of eyes. I knew it was more than a dream. In this dream I saw something bombastic, the experience is indescribable. The awe and beauty I felt was way beyond this worldly experience. One such impression was the dazzling pearls lined up at a distance, the walls and doors were probably made from diamonds although I cannot fathom how diamond walls can exist. I was flying through the gates which had

no doors but changed their form of architecture each time I entered the zone. I came to the conclusion that only God can make this with His own intelligence.

The beauty I marveled at was bewildering to me as I had never even dreamt something like this could exist. I was in such wonder that I did not even have time to think if I was dreaming or not. This experience was as if the Lord took me by hand to show a glimpse of a drop of His magnificent creation, a creation probably meant only for his dear and intimate devotees, a place where those without any doubts can enter.

For the demons of doubt exist only on this plane.There is no entry into the spiritual realm for those with petty doubts in their heads. 

Even saints and sages were out of my sight, maybe they were busy in the indoors lifting the palanquin of the Lord decorated with pearls and rubies. All I saw were faces with tilak marks dazzling on their foreheads.” 

I could not believe my ears, I was so astonished I cried in great joy - “It is Isodyana! It is there that I am walking into in my poem, and now you have walked into it in your dream”.

I was dancing in my heart - all the elements were there - the chariot was a palanquin, the holy devotees were there, the resplendence, the gems, the doorway between the illusory reality and the state of consciousness, the flying to pass through it, the Lord's voice revealing the inner vision.

Now the door was finally ajar to glimpse that sacred abode through a dream and into a state of consciousness ....

The poem enters into the visualization of the abode of the Lord (or the place) through the state of consciousness of Bhaktivinod Thakur and the dream revealed to me by my Vaisnavi friend.  So, the sloka  brings these three together in the one visualization of the same reality.