Gopala Campu 33.17 "But how can I
give up the cowsheds, the forest, the cows. the people of Vraja,my
servants, my friends, my gopis, my father and mother and Radha? Without
me, they cannot remain sane for a moment. Thinking of them, I will be
completely burned up as if there were a fire within me."
"My heart is filled with anguish that burns
like a host of fiery torches. I lay down to sleep, but I could not sleep
a wink. It is only with great difficulty that somehow I have survived
this night." Sri Lalita Madhava.
"During the day Krishna's mind was
preoccupied with many things, but at night, as He lay beside Balarama in Their
bullock cart, His mind was filled only with thoughts of His father and friends.
How would He tell them that He would be staying
in Mathura? How would He convince them to return to Vraja? If they did return,
how would He and they remain alive, separated from one another?" NVM p.278
On the day Krishna
killed Kamsa, He realized that was not the end of His adventures away from
Vraja, He could not go back.
That night Krishna went to sleep in the bullock cart with
Balarama, at the edge of the forest on the outskirts of Mathura. Even in this
familiar setting, his heart was troubled because the next day He would have to
tell Nanda Baba and His friends that He had to stay in Mathura and could not go back
with them to Vraja. The events of
those last few days in Mathura came into His mind churning His emotions into pangs of love. He remembered also the words of Narada that foretold His long absence
from Vraja. What a sharp pain to His
heart thinking of Their future in separation!
Sleepless night
In the backwoods
with no sound
around,
familiar feelings
arise
and the turmoil of the heart
echoes loud,
lying in the
bullock cart
in the stillness of the dark
many thoughts
crowd
back to the day when He
had come;
The words the
laundryman spoke (1)
resounded from a
time remote,
his malevolent
grin
swiftly erased
by the touch of His
fingertips;
then the weaver from the past (2)
desirous to dress
Him up,
and the florist
with the softest buds (3)
offering his loving
service,
asking for nothing else;
But the feelings
that churn
this night into a blend of flavoured remembrances
are the grimaces of
grief,
the cries of friends and relatives
and praises from ladies’ voices (4)
He had never heard before,
how they distracted His
mind
recalling the gopis’ love,
~ its spell...
so that for just one instant, He almost fell,
but was brought back to His senses
by an outcry, far beyond the fences
as Nanda Baba's love
erupted
"Oh my son!"
~ so intense!
At once He killed
the wrestler, and then
the demon king,
dragging him by the
hair
all around for
everyone to see, (5)
for the wrong he did
to the doe-eyed maid
with aguru scented
hair.
So, now, how to
tell
father and
friends
that He is not
going back?
A morrow of sorrow
lurks in His heart,
He feels the burning
Narada once foretold: (6)
many
events
would avert His
return
for a long time,
and Vraja would turn
into a desert of oases without hope
for those He loves.
They will not live,
nor breathe,
the gopis will
hardly eat,
Baba will not even
drink,
Mother will only
sigh,
and what about Him…
alone, far from
Vraja and Radha…
from the amorous
moonlights,
the forest, the
cows,
the river at
twilight,
how many nights will come to pass
like this one!...
when due to love, sleep is lost,
since for pain or for pleasure alike
the heart weeps or
delights
in sleepless nights.
(( 1)
From
NVM p.235
“Krishna at once recognized the washerman as the same unfortunate soul
who criticized Lord Ramachandra for having accepted Sita after she had “lived
in the house of another man” the demon Ravana.”
( 2)
From
NVM p.237
“In a previous life this weaver had been the best tailor of
Mithila. He was requested by Janaka
Maharaja to make clothes for Rama and Laksmana on the occasion of Rama’s marriage
to Sita.
But even thought the
tailor had prepared the finest clothes for the sons of Dasaratha, he was not
allowed to dress Them himself. Thus he
lamented, hoping that fate would favour him some day.”
( 3)
SB
10.41.49,51
" [...] Thus with great pleasure he {Sudama} presented Them {Krishna
and Balarama} with
garlands of fresh, fragrant flowers."
Sudama chose
unshakable devotion for Krishna, the Supreme Soul of all existence;
friendship with His
devotees, and transcendental compassion for all living beings."
( 4)
NVM
p.263 "Krishna heard the ladies'
praise and remembered the gopis. That
momentary distraction gave Canura the upper hand. Nandaraja, sensing Krishna was in danger,
stood up and called out "Oh my son!".
( 5)
NVM
p267 "Holding Kamsa by the hair, Krishna
proudly dragged the dead King's lifeless body...." This to give assurance to the people and the
Vrsni that now the demon was dead, but there was also something else that Krishna
remembered for which He pulled Kamsa by his hair ...
"Sankhacuda :
Now in order to fulfill the unfulfilled desire of my dear friend King Kamsa, I
will grab the hair of the lotus-like girl on this throne and drag Her away ." Sri
Lalita Madhava Act II
"And because She dries Her hair
with the smoke of burning aguru, the aroma of Her hair fortifies that feeling
of Krishna's presence." NVM p. 390
(6) Gopala Campu 33.109,
111-113 "Krishna said 'Why will I not go to
Vraja...."
[Narada]
"When Kamsa will be killed, his many friends, just like
Jarasandha,
will become like him, how will you be able to
go?"
"Krishna
said, 'I will not go just to see them?'
"Narada said
with a rough laugh,
'No, no.'
Comment by Visvanath Cakravarti Thakura to SB
10.51.29 :
"Mucukunda said, "With Your
effulgence You dispel the darkness of this mountain cave, and with Your
jewel-like knowledge You destroy the darkness of ignorance in my
heart." In Sanskrit, the heart is
sometimes metaphorically referred to as guha "cavern" a deep and
secret place."
