WHERE IS SHYAM ?

Sri Lalita Madhava pg42 ~ "My dear friend, where is Krsna, who is like the moon rising from the ocean of Maharaja Nanda's dynasty? Where is Krsna, His head decorated with a peacock feather?  Where is He?  Where is Krishna whose flute produces such a deep sound? [...] Kindly tell me where to find Krsna the treausre of My life and best of My friends.  Feeling separation from Him, I hereby condemn Providence, the shaper of My destiny."

This poem was inspired by an encounter I had in Vraja many many years ago.  It was in the morning and I was walking down a narrow, dirt path when a man dressed only in a loin cloth, very thin and with his skin darkened by the sun, came towards me.  He looked at me without seeing me and was murmuring "Where is Shyam?".

Then suddenly aware of my presence when I was right in front of him he said very loudly but with a choked voice "Where is Shyam?". I said "I do not know" and he became more agitated and in despair repeated several times with an anxious tone in his voice "Where is Shyam, where is Shyam?" Then I answered "I cannot see, I do not see where is He".

I have never forgotten those eyes, that voice, that forlorn heart, that morning light in Vraja ....

No parrot, bird or cuckoo warbles

to awake this dawn,

this daybreak light in Vraja

feebly kisses

the nocturnal pout of the flowers

reluctant now to bloom,

no feet has trampled over them

no pollen hovers the air

no swarm of excited bees

have buzzed after

the honey of His running feet,

forlorn the heart repeats

where is Shyam?

Is this the same wind

that ruffled the curls,

shivered the skin,

that swayed His feather,

and His earrings ?

Stole the scent of the rainy cloud

from His limbs,

and blew words of love

written on kumkum dusted leaves ?

Is this the same wind?

Carrier now of sighs

and a sole pitiful cry ~

where is Shyam?

Will there still be the moon?

with the stars for limbs

and its nectar-like beams

trickling flickering drops

on Radha's petal-like skin ?

Drops which capture her glow

and turn into moonstones

just as raindrops fall

in seashells

and turn into pearls,

but He has left ~

nothing shines now,

neither the moon nor the gems,

the stars nor the sun,

as a pair of unseeing eyes ask ~

Where is Shyam?

Behind the wheels

fell the dust

with the deafening silence

of His absence.

Now will come no dusk

carrying the notes of flutesongs

in clouds of dust.

The love talks,

the sweet words, the poetry,

the laughs ~ all have sunk

into the stillness of time.

The lanes of Vraja

have no more destinations,

the heart, errant of love, pleads

where is Shyam?

“Ve-ry-soon-I-wi-ll-ret-urn”

the syllables of Shyam's promise

barely reach the Gopis' lips

have become their heartbeats,

their only reason to live.

Nothing other than LOVE

Sri Sri Prema Samput p. 52    "Only to increase the love of my devotees for me, do I bestow hardship upon them and in so doing incur my own sorrow, yet I welcome that distress."

Sri Sri Prema Samput p.48 "He is not lacking anything. What do the living entities have to give Him other than their love?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=56&v=-h_9ixUreNI

In the imaginary scene of the poem Krishna is speaking confidentially to a friend sometime after Kurukshetra, in a mixture of reminiscences and emotions,  from Dwarka, to the rasa dance, to the meeting in Kurukshetra.  In doing so Krishna reveals the secret depths of his love. Krishna never puts his devotees through something which He does not take also upon Himself.

SD 32.21 "Even when I removed Myself from your sight by suddenly disappearing, I never stopped loving you."

GC 23.39 "O dearest Gopis!  The first separation has been most difficult for me."

My solitude nestled

in the recesses of the night,

and like shadows that come forth

with brighter light,

its agony too appeared,

by moonlit memories

of their love for Me.

With the ardent desire

for a tidal wave

of this ocean of their love and my love,

to flood the hearts and the stars,

I disappeared,

causing their lamentation,

and thirstily I drank from the same                               ⁽¹⁾

chalice of longing emotions

welling up from purest love.

Spying unseen

upon their absorption and tribulation

while they searched for Me,

with breathless glances,

in incessant meditation

unwavering, on Me only,

I also endured separation,                                     ⁽²⁾

and could wait no more

for their embraces                                        ⁽³⁾

as the tears of love,

furrowing their faces,

were gushing like ecstatic rivers

of their sweetest love.

And impatient,                   

covetous of the mellows

flourishing in their hearts,

in that innermost hollow I stood,

a restless spectator of their total love,

incapable of repaying

the wealth of devotion

of my most beloveds.

In the most famous and also infamous                          ⁽⁴⁾

state of Godhood of being self-satisfied,

no one could fathom why I cried,

why my heart sighed,

breathless from feeling separation,

dragged and dependent on

their selfless adoration.

I smiled anew

to soothe their hearts,

and hiding my anguish,

asked for forgiveness.

They offered their fragrant ghee of love,                          ⁽⁵⁾

and the dense honey

of sulkiness,

thus plundering my love,

so that I, delighted, sold myself.                                    ⁽⁶⁾

1) GC 23.46 "Bhakti to me produces nectar".

2) Sri Sri Prema Samput pg.50 "He is also filled with sadness as he remains hidden from his devotees, [...] on top of that he then has to tolerate the slander that he is indifferent to those who love him."

3) GB 12.7 Comm. "Not after a long time, but very quickly, since I am not able to bear delay in meeting them, I, putting them on the shoulders of Garuda, bring them to My dhama."

4) SD 82.44 Comm. "But my dear girlfriend - Krishna replied - if this is true, I must be God, but still I am conquered by your love and devotion."

Godhood is also infamous to Krishna because in His qualities as the Absolute (Controller, Self-satisfied etc) which are revered but also commonly misunderstood, His sweetness and eagerness to love as Nanda Kishor is thwarted.

5) AVC Pg.279 (Rasa Dance Begins) "He (Krishna) wanted to create unity among the opposing parties of Radha and Candravali."

6) KS Anu 170 "I have come now.  Please experience me directly at every moment."

TEARS of SMARANA

CC Antya lila 17.49  “Only the most fortunate ears can hear these four nectarean sounds – Krishna’s words, the tinkling of His ankle bells and bangles, His voice and the vibration of His flute. If one does not hear these sounds, his ears are as useless as small conchshells with holes.”

kṛṣṇaṁ smaran janaṁ cāsya preṣṭhaṁ nija-samīhitam
tat-tat-kathā-rataś cāsau kuryād vāsaṁ vraje sadā

Bhakti Rasāmṛta Sindhu 1.2.294  - Kṛṣṇaṁ smaran is the first injunction: “think of Krishna.” Next, janam cāsya: “In  thinking of Krishna, also think of his people.” 

My Lord, please give this unworthy person Your darshan through the nectarean sounds of Your words, the tinkling of Your ankle bells and bangles, Your voice and the sweet sound of Your flute, and make me worthy of remembering You and Your eternal associates.

I am unworthy and not qualified

to see You with these eyes,

my heart tormented not

by thirst, cannot even cry

in separation from You,

nor swoons

into waters mirroring

the rain clouds, ⁽¹⁾

nor is anxious

like an animal of Vraja at night ⁽²⁾

when you leave the forest

along with the sunlight.

Yet this pretender

might use the other senses,

if You allow, to remember ….

let me hear, perhaps,Your bells

where the butter jars hang,

and of the love Yasoda sings

while churning or boiling the milk;

 let me smell the camphor from your breath 

meandering out of your flute, 

while I wander about

on these day dream plains,

where at dawn resounds

the tinkling of bangles

from all corners of the valley;

let me hear the sound

of your bugle,

waking everyone around

to join You into the forest, ⁽³⁾

and traversing the secret pathways,

I wish to come to that place

patterned by the Gopis' toes

and to overhear from the dust

Your loving words; ⁽⁴⁾

then enwrapped by dusk

I will take off at a run,

 letting my heart in a state of agitation

transport me to that forest 

amidst whose trees,

 I can hear perhaps

your voice calling

the cows one by one,

or that single melodious fluted note

that attracts and stuns

movable and immovable beings;

let me walk into this dream

as the cows and calves

stir up the dust that covers your skin,

and fantasizing - I'll roll - so rapt,

as if I was just behind

the cruel wheels of Your chariot

where stones and wood

melted into rills of tears. ⁽⁵⁾

This longing to see You

swells up

tears of smarana,

dripping

in a hoof-print on the soil of Vraja

from my soaked heart

as if it is hanging

from a sentient tree

like an ecstatic parrot.

NOTES

1. NVM p.44 "Once in Pramodana the Gopis went to fetch water in a lake -Krishna Kunda-.

The reflection of dark clouds in the water sparked in the Gopis such intense feelings for Krishna that they fainted." 

2. SBB III 6.77  “The forest animals were miserable because now they had to part from Him,  Unable to go anywhere without Him, they simply stood at the entrance of the village, ready to spend the entire night there in the hope of seeing their Lord again the next morning.” 

3. SB 10.21.1 "O King one day Krishna decided to take His breakfast as a picnic in the forest.  Having risen early in the morning, He blew His bugle made of horn and woke all the cowherd boys and calves with its beautiful sound. Then Krishna and the boys, keeping their respective groups of calves before them, proceeded from Vrajabhumi to the forest.”   

4. NVM pg.312 "In Umrao in Vraja there is a holy spot where this pastime is remembered, when the Gopis ran to see Krishna and taken by shyness started to draw in the dust with their toes. "

"And with those same blessings one can aspire to overhear Krishna's affectionate words to the gopis [even today]."  

5. Bhakti Ratnakara Ch.5  p.144 "What can I say?  Only those who saw the scene can understand.  All the damsels of Vraja came running to see Krishna with tears flowing like rivers from their eyes.  Seeing that scene even wood and stone melted.  No one could describe this even with millions of mouths." 

Lamentation of Vishnupriya-devi

Bhakti Ratnakara Chapter 4 :"Because of separation from Caitanya, she never slept at night. If at all she slept, she would lie on the hard ground.
Her golden complexion had grown pale like the new moon. While chanting the names of Hari, she would set aside a grain of rice for each mantra.  Later in the day, only those grains would be soaked and offered to the Lord.  The offering was very small, and yet she would eat only a portion of it. "

Vishnupriya devi Thakurani lived her life in the slow burning agony of separation from Sri Gouranga after His departure. Nor would anyone ever hear her voice.  Constantly shedding tears .....

My heart walls in

a labyrinth of lamentation
where time is marked
by the fall
of a grain of rice
into a bowl,
then soaked in tears
that swell and drop
endlessly
from inner silent corners, 
where nothing else exists
but Your name
flowing in a stream,
there the chanting, the divine love
any instant of You -
abides,
 keeps me alive,
yet oblivious to life.
and You come in dreams  ⁽¹⁾
bathed in autumn moonlight
Your words my only delight;
neither the sun
nor the moon
giver of rest,
will ever rise
in this continuous sunset
of your absence,
and in this numbness
of my being
I lie on the bare ground
of my barren life;
time was meaningful before,
because of You,
when You ate, You slept or bathed,
what a piercing of the heart
this passing of the hours,
 no one has ever lived
without even
the slightest hope
of Your return!

(1) The dream by Sri Vishnupriya-devi BR Ch. 4 "Just then Sri Vishnupriya-devi was telling her favorite maidservant that she had had a dream, which she would describe.  Her Lord, who was the attractor of the entire creation, had appeared before her in an enchanting pose.  [...]  In his affectionate way, Caitanya made Visnupriya sit down, and he spoke to her in a soft sweet voice : ' A brahmana boy named Srinivasa has suffered indescribably.  Today he will come to see you.  Knowing him to be a dear devotee, you should bestow your mercy on him.'  Caitanya continued to delight her with his pleasing words and then suddenly disappeared, and she awoke in distress."

DEBT of LOVE (Lyrics) ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

Krsna speaks to Rukmini about His debt of love

“Feeling separation from Me, Radha and the gopis have given up Their lives.  Now I shall also give up My life for her.  You will see me in that condition, O Lokanath” (Text 126-127)  Prema-vilas by Srila Nityananda Das.

BG 9.29 "[...] But those who honor Me with devotion are in Me, and indeed I am in them."

"Sri Radha's love for Lord Krishna has no rival and no equal in this world.  It is the greatest love."  Sri Garga Samhita 6.17-38

Read more at the bottom excerpt from Sri Krishna Kathamrita Bindu issue No. 134"

https://soundcloud.com/mauro-auaro/debt-of-love

Lyrics for "Debt of Love"

I am not here,

but there with My mind,

I am so bound

‘cause of a promise of love.

I have a debt

since the day I left

“I will return” - I said this to them

They have given everything up for Me

their love is in Me

There isn’t any other way to repay

but to love ‘ em in the same way

I am their air

for this My heart weeps

I’m in big debt

to their love, the tears they shed,

I've gone away

I did not return,

they trust what I said just before I left

my words are their hope and reason to live

they breath for me

O Queen, how they keep alive gives me pain,

they want to see me once again

You asked before

Who’s this love for?

Tears melt my dreams

When I think of Her

She does not know anything else than Me

She lives for Me

To know this love I’ve to steal Her heart

to love with her love.

I’ll give up pearls and curls, one day
love tears is my debt to repay. 

.

"With that prema they [gopis] have given up everything. [...] By their love, Krishna's promise was broken. His pormise is -'As someone approaches me I reciprocate accordingly' {Bg 4.11} Krishna never becomes indebted, He always repays his debts. But this promise of his was broken by the gopis, because the gopis do not want anything, how will he repay them?

[...] {Bhag. 10.32.22} "I have become completely indebted to you. I cannot pay you back, because you don't want anything. What shall I do?"

To pay back his debt he became Gaura, assuming the mood of Radharani is crying and feeling acute pangs of separation from Krishna. This is Gaura. [...] As Radharani is crying, crying, crying and drowning herself in this unfathomable ocean of separation, similarly Gaura is burning himself with the fire of separations from Krishna." by SGGS

Excerpted from Sri Krishna Kathamrita Bindu Issue No134