TEARS of SMARANA

CC Antya lila 17.49  “Only the most fortunate ears can hear these four nectarean sounds – Krishna’s words, the tinkling of His ankle bells and bangles, His voice and the vibration of His flute. If one does not hear these sounds, his ears are as useless as small conchshells with holes.”

kṛṣṇaṁ smaran janaṁ cāsya preṣṭhaṁ nija-samīhitam
tat-tat-kathā-rataś cāsau kuryād vāsaṁ vraje sadā

Bhakti Rasāmṛta Sindhu 1.2.294  - Kṛṣṇaṁ smaran is the first injunction: “think of Krishna.” Next, janam cāsya: “In  thinking of Krishna, also think of his people.” 

My Lord, please give this unworthy person Your darshan through the nectarean sounds of Your words, the tinkling of Your ankle bells and bangles, Your voice and the sweet sound of Your flute, and make me worthy of remembering You and Your eternal associates.

I am unworthy and not qualified

to see You with these eyes,

my heart tormented not

by thirst, cannot even cry

in separation from You,

nor swoons

into waters mirroring

the rain clouds, ⁽¹⁾

nor is anxious

like an animal of Vraja at night ⁽²⁾

when you leave the forest

along with the sunlight.

Yet this pretender

might use the other senses,

if You allow, to remember ….

let me hear, perhaps,Your bells

where the butter jars hang,

and of the love Yasoda sings

while churning or boiling the milk;

 let me smell the camphor from your breath 

meandering out of your flute, 

while I wander about

on these day dream plains,

where at dawn resounds

the tinkling of bangles

from all corners of the valley;

let me hear the sound

of your bugle,

waking everyone around

to join You into the forest, ⁽³⁾

and traversing the secret pathways,

I wish to come to that place

patterned by the Gopis' toes

and to overhear from the dust

Your loving words; ⁽⁴⁾

then enwrapped by dusk

I will take off at a run,

 letting my heart in a state of agitation

transport me to that forest 

amidst whose trees,

 I can hear perhaps

your voice calling

the cows one by one,

or that single melodious fluted note

that attracts and stuns

movable and immovable beings;

let me walk into this dream

as the cows and calves

stir up the dust that covers your skin,

and fantasizing - I'll roll - so rapt,

as if I was just behind

the cruel wheels of Your chariot

where stones and wood

melted into rills of tears. ⁽⁵⁾

This longing to see You

swells up

tears of smarana,

dripping

in a hoof-print on the soil of Vraja

from my soaked heart

as if it is hanging

from a sentient tree

like an ecstatic parrot.

NOTES

1. NVM p.44 "Once in Pramodana the Gopis went to fetch water in a lake -Krishna Kunda-.

The reflection of dark clouds in the water sparked in the Gopis such intense feelings for Krishna that they fainted." 

2. SBB III 6.77  “The forest animals were miserable because now they had to part from Him,  Unable to go anywhere without Him, they simply stood at the entrance of the village, ready to spend the entire night there in the hope of seeing their Lord again the next morning.” 

3. SB 10.21.1 "O King one day Krishna decided to take His breakfast as a picnic in the forest.  Having risen early in the morning, He blew His bugle made of horn and woke all the cowherd boys and calves with its beautiful sound. Then Krishna and the boys, keeping their respective groups of calves before them, proceeded from Vrajabhumi to the forest.”   

4. NVM pg.312 "In Umrao in Vraja there is a holy spot where this pastime is remembered, when the Gopis ran to see Krishna and taken by shyness started to draw in the dust with their toes. "

"And with those same blessings one can aspire to overhear Krishna's affectionate words to the gopis [even today]."  

5. Bhakti Ratnakara Ch.5  p.144 "What can I say?  Only those who saw the scene can understand.  All the damsels of Vraja came running to see Krishna with tears flowing like rivers from their eyes.  Seeing that scene even wood and stone melted.  No one could describe this even with millions of mouths." 

Lamentation of Vishnupriya-devi

Bhakti Ratnakara Chapter 4 :"Because of separation from Caitanya, she never slept at night. If at all she slept, she would lie on the hard ground.
Her golden complexion had grown pale like the new moon. While chanting the names of Hari, she would set aside a grain of rice for each mantra.  Later in the day, only those grains would be soaked and offered to the Lord.  The offering was very small, and yet she would eat only a portion of it. "

Vishnupriya devi Thakurani lived her life in the slow burning agony of separation from Sri Gouranga after His departure. Nor would anyone ever hear her voice.  Constantly shedding tears .....

My heart walls in

a labyrinth of lamentation
where time is marked
by the fall
of a grain of rice
into a bowl,
then soaked in tears
that swell and drop
endlessly
from inner silent corners, 
where nothing else exists
but Your name
flowing in a stream,
there the chanting, the divine love
any instant of You -
abides,
 keeps me alive,
yet oblivious to life.
and You come in dreams  ⁽¹⁾
bathed in autumn moonlight
Your words my only delight;
neither the sun
nor the moon
giver of rest,
will ever rise
in this continuous sunset
of your absence,
and in this numbness
of my being
I lie on the bare ground
of my barren life;
time was meaningful before,
because of You,
when You ate, You slept or bathed,
what a piercing of the heart
this passing of the hours,
 no one has ever lived
without even
the slightest hope
of Your return!

(1) The dream by Sri Vishnupriya-devi BR Ch. 4 "Just then Sri Vishnupriya-devi was telling her favorite maidservant that she had had a dream, which she would describe.  Her Lord, who was the attractor of the entire creation, had appeared before her in an enchanting pose.  [...]  In his affectionate way, Caitanya made Visnupriya sit down, and he spoke to her in a soft sweet voice : ' A brahmana boy named Srinivasa has suffered indescribably.  Today he will come to see you.  Knowing him to be a dear devotee, you should bestow your mercy on him.'  Caitanya continued to delight her with his pleasing words and then suddenly disappeared, and she awoke in distress."