CRUEL WHEELS

krūra krūreti cakrūram

Calling out "Cruel Cruel!" they jeered Akrura.

Sri Lalita Madhava - Distraught Radha: - "Become conscious for a moment and look.  What misfortune! Merciless Akrura urges on the horses."

When you go to Gokula it is possible that someone tells you this story ....

I was there,

with sleepless eyes,

could not hold back the sun

so not to rise,

when the tearful whispers

of the night became cries

but I could hear no sound

since my heart lamented

more loud,

but the cruel voice

amid my numbness, rose

                              in an averse prayer    ⁽¹⁾                  

when it urged the horse

to move on,

I swooned,

my bangles, dress, rings

like petals of a withering flower,

loosened and slipped

I was there,

distraught,

that day at dawn

yet I saw not the horizon

but the hooves, the ground

the rims, the spokes of the wheels,

cruelly ready to leave,

my hand outstretched, desperate

to grasp, to pull back, to halt,

...once more ~ to touch...

for I had not enough

of His fragrant embraces

nor of His dancing hips

or His Tulsi-scented chest

and of His tempting hands,

nor of His camphored breath,

nor my eyes had enough

of the piercing love of His glance,

of the sweat streaks

on His sandal-smeared skin,

nor of the sweetness

of His cherry red lips,

nor of His impudent words and tricks

no, no,  I had not enough

of the hidden groves, the secret trysts

            the nights of moon-glow...       ⁽²⁾

but suddenly I was there,

calling out behind His wheels,

the stones, the trees, melted 

flowed with my tears in streams

I slumped in the dust

holding  my unfinished wreath,

fated to never adorn Him.

I was there, stunned,

the cruel wheels started,

distance became unbearably true

I saw the flag, His silhouette    ⁽³⁾

fading in a fog of dust

           "I'll return"           ⁽⁴⁾

resounded as the last note 

from His flute

and still echoes

in my heart, in the groves,

in the eyes I meet on the roads,

it's the only rope of hope

for this

I still unashamedly breathe.

1) SLM (Purnamasi) "... before Akrura mounts his chariot and begins chants auspicious prayers for departure.."

2) Laghu B. Txt 508, 511-512 "Though astonishing Gokula, the essence of Mathura, seems like a limited area, it expands and contracts according to the pastimes of Krsna."

"According to the particular pastimes there is a suitable appearance of various places which can be seen by those participating in the particular pastime and not by the unqualified."

"It is astonishing that at one time these forms of the abodes exist factually without mixing with each other at all."

When Krishna leaves, Vrindavana expands into the separation of Navadvip and later into the ecstasy of meeting after long separation of Kshetra Dham, because there is no meaning to separation in love if it is not followed by meeting, union and separation and in this way the waves of love flow to never ebb, and swell again and again thus increasing eternally.

3) SGS 5.4.37 "As long as the chariot, its flag, or the cloud of dust the running horses made could be seen, the stunned gopis stood like painted pictures on the path.  Then, remembering Lord Krsna's words, they became hopeful."

4) SGS 5.4.35 "Girls, don't cry.  At sunset I will return."

WHERE IS SHYAM ?

Sri Lalita Madhava pg42 ~ "My dear friend, where is Krsna, who is like the moon rising from the ocean of Maharaja Nanda's dynasty? Where is Krsna, His head decorated with a peacock feather?  Where is He?  Where is Krishna whose flute produces such a deep sound? [...] Kindly tell me where to find Krsna the treausre of My life and best of My friends.  Feeling separation from Him, I hereby condemn Providence, the shaper of My destiny."

This poem was inspired by an encounter I had in Vraja many many years ago.  It was in the morning and I was walking down a narrow, dirt path when a man dressed only in a loin cloth, very thin and with his skin darkened by the sun, came towards me.  He looked at me without seeing me and was murmuring "Where is Shyam?".

Then suddenly aware of my presence when I was right in front of him he said very loudly but with a choked voice "Where is Shyam?". I said "I do not know" and he became more agitated and in despair repeated several times with an anxious tone in his voice "Where is Shyam, where is Shyam?" Then I answered "I cannot see, I do not see where is He".

I have never forgotten those eyes, that voice, that forlorn heart, that morning light in Vraja ....

No parrot, bird or cuckoo warbles

to awake this dawn,

this daybreak light in Vraja

feebly kisses

the nocturnal pout of the flowers

reluctant now to bloom,

no feet has trampled over them

no pollen hovers the air

no swarm of excited bees

have buzzed after

the honey of His running feet,

forlorn the heart repeats

where is Shyam?

Is this the same wind

that ruffled the curls,

shivered the skin,

that swayed His feather,

and His earrings ?

Stole the scent of the rainy cloud

from His limbs,

and blew words of love

written on kumkum dusted leaves ?

Is this the same wind?

Carrier now of sighs

and a sole pitiful cry ~

where is Shyam?

Will there still be the moon?

with the stars for limbs

and its nectar-like beams

trickling flickering drops

on Radha's petal-like skin ?

Drops which capture her glow

and turn into moonstones

just as raindrops fall

in seashells

and turn into pearls,

but He has left ~

nothing shines now,

neither the moon nor the gems,

the stars nor the sun,

as a pair of unseeing eyes ask ~

Where is Shyam?

Behind the wheels

fell the dust

with the deafening silence

of His absence.

Now will come no dusk

carrying the notes of flutesongs

in clouds of dust.

The love talks,

the sweet words, the poetry,

the laughs ~ all have sunk

into the stillness of time.

The lanes of Vraja

have no more destinations,

the heart, errant of love, pleads

where is Shyam?

“Ve-ry-soon-I-wi-ll-ret-urn”

the syllables of Shyam's promise

barely reach the Gopis' lips

have become their heartbeats,

their only reason to live.

Nothing other than LOVE

Sri Sri Prema Samput p. 52    "Only to increase the love of my devotees for me, do I bestow hardship upon them and in so doing incur my own sorrow, yet I welcome that distress."

Sri Sri Prema Samput p.48 "He is not lacking anything. What do the living entities have to give Him other than their love?"
https://www.youtube.com/watch?time_continue=56&v=-h_9ixUreNI

In the imaginary scene of the poem Krishna is speaking confidentially to a friend sometime after Kurukshetra, in a mixture of reminiscences and emotions,  from Dwarka, to the rasa dance, to the meeting in Kurukshetra.  In doing so Krishna reveals the secret depths of his love. Krishna never puts his devotees through something which He does not take also upon Himself.

SD 32.21 "Even when I removed Myself from your sight by suddenly disappearing, I never stopped loving you."

GC 23.39 "O dearest Gopis!  The first separation has been most difficult for me."

My solitude nestled

in the recesses of the night,

and like shadows that come forth

with brighter light,

its agony too appeared,

by moonlit memories

of their love for Me.

With the ardent desire

for a tidal wave

of this ocean of their love and my love,

to flood the hearts and the stars,

I disappeared,

causing their lamentation,

and thirstily I drank from the same                               ⁽¹⁾

chalice of longing emotions

welling up from purest love.

Spying unseen

upon their absorption and tribulation

while they searched for Me,

with breathless glances,

in incessant meditation

unwavering, on Me only,

I also endured separation,                                     ⁽²⁾

and could wait no more

for their embraces                                        ⁽³⁾

as the tears of love,

furrowing their faces,

were gushing like ecstatic rivers

of their sweetest love.

And impatient,                   

covetous of the mellows

flourishing in their hearts,

in that innermost hollow I stood,

a restless spectator of their total love,

incapable of repaying

the wealth of devotion

of my most beloveds.

In the most famous and also infamous                          ⁽⁴⁾

state of Godhood of being self-satisfied,

no one could fathom why I cried,

why my heart sighed,

breathless from feeling separation,

dragged and dependent on

their selfless adoration.

I smiled anew

to soothe their hearts,

and hiding my anguish,

asked for forgiveness.

They offered their fragrant ghee of love,                          ⁽⁵⁾

and the dense honey

of sulkiness,

thus plundering my love,

so that I, delighted, sold myself.                                    ⁽⁶⁾

1) GC 23.46 "Bhakti to me produces nectar".

2) Sri Sri Prema Samput pg.50 "He is also filled with sadness as he remains hidden from his devotees, [...] on top of that he then has to tolerate the slander that he is indifferent to those who love him."

3) GB 12.7 Comm. "Not after a long time, but very quickly, since I am not able to bear delay in meeting them, I, putting them on the shoulders of Garuda, bring them to My dhama."

4) SD 82.44 Comm. "But my dear girlfriend - Krishna replied - if this is true, I must be God, but still I am conquered by your love and devotion."

Godhood is also infamous to Krishna because in His qualities as the Absolute (Controller, Self-satisfied etc) which are revered but also commonly misunderstood, His sweetness and eagerness to love as Nanda Kishor is thwarted.

5) AVC Pg.279 (Rasa Dance Begins) "He (Krishna) wanted to create unity among the opposing parties of Radha and Candravali."

6) KS Anu 170 "I have come now.  Please experience me directly at every moment."

Krishna Katha

SB 2.2.37 "Those who drink the sweet pastimes of the Lord and his devotees held in the cups of their ears clean their hearts of all contamination and attain the lotus feet of the Lord for service."

SBMM 20.59 "O great hero, kindly allow us to drink the nectar of Your lotus lips This nectar increases one's love for You, destroys one's lamentation, is constantly relished by Your enchanting flute, and it transforms the living entities' material attachments."

This poem was inspired by the following excerpt from a commentary of Srimad B. Narayana Goswami Maharaja where he explains about the adharamrita or the nectar from Krishna's lips.

"The deer and cuckoos are indeed fortunate, but the most fortunate are the gopis, who can directly taste Krishna's original adharamrita.  The deer and the cuckoos cannot relish this adharamrta directly, but they can listen to Krishna's flute-song.  And there are others, who can hear about Krishna's pastimes.  They hear that Krsna is playing His flute and that all human beings, animals, birds and other creatures in Vrindavana are hearing His flute-song. As a result of listening to narrations of His pastimes, these persons, too, develop the ambition to hear His flute." Gopi Gita commentary by Srimad B. Narayana Goswami Maharaja.

RED DUST

- The song of the Pulindi girl of Vraja

SBB Vol.III 7.119 Purport."Seeing the kunkuma on the ground reminded them first of Krishna and then of His intimate affairs with the gopis. Thinking about these things agitated their minds [...] And how were the aborigine women relieved of this agitation?  By picking up the red powder and smearing it on their faces and breasts, which were burning with lust.  Having done this, the Pulindis felt completely satisfied."

SBB III 7.146 Purport " [...]...the aborigine women lacked the assets of knowledge, good birth, good behavior and devotion to God. They were ignorant of their own eternal identities as spirit souls, and because they had never come close enough to Nanda Maharaja's village to see Krsna with their own eyes, they were also ignorant of Krsna's all-attractive beauty.  None the less, in the forest, the aborigine women of Vraja accidentally came in contact with grass and leaves smeared with kunkuma from the bodies of the gopis   [...] even though indirect, it infused them with sublime devotion for Krishna ...[...].  Having had some contact with the gopis, the aborigine women of Vraja all attained a perfection similar to theirs, if not in this life then in the next."

SGS 1.4.56 "When they saw Him, some aborigine girls became tortured with lust."

Debt of Love

CC Antya Lila 7.43 "The conjugal love of the gopīs is the most exalted devotional service, surpassing all other methods of bhakti. Therefore Lord Krishna is obliged to say, 'My dear gopīs, I cannot repay you. Indeed, I am always indebted to you."

Prema-vilas - Ch 7. Text 126-127  by Srila Nityananda Das

"Feeling separation from Me, Radha and the gopis have given up Their lives.  Now I shall also give up My life for her.  You will see me in that condition, O Lokanath."

Excerpted from Sri Krishna Kathamrita Bindu Issue No134

"With that prema they [gopis] have given up everything. [...] By their love, Krishna's promise was broken. His pormise is -'As someone approaches me I reciprocate accordingly' {Bg 4.11} Krishna never becomes indebted, He always repays his debts. But this promise of his was broken by the gopis, because the gopis do not want anything, how will he repay them?

[...] {Bhag. 10.32.22} "I have become completely indebted to you. I cannot pay you back, because you don't want anything. What shall I do?"

To pay back his debt he became Gaura, assuming the mood of Radharani is crying and feeling acute pangs of separation from Krishna. This is Gaura. [...] As Radharani is crying, crying, crying and drowning herself in this unfathomable ocean of separation, similarly Gaura is burning himself with the fire of separations from Krishna."

GOPINATH

Another gopi said “ Yes! Let us see, touch, hear and smell Krishna……” Sarartha Darsini 10th Canto pg228

The Gopis met Krishna in Kurukshetra and expressed their trouble hearts in seeing Him dressed like a King, and therefore they tried to remind Him of Vraja because they wanted to attract Him to come back.

Dressed like a King,

encircled in this town by royal kin,

what you hide now 

we have seen ~

your true crown

of flowers, feathers and leaves.

We touched your skin,

smelled the fragrance

in the nocturnal breeze,

when cooling sandal paste 

covered your limbs,

streaked by rolling pearls of sweat

 like scented dew,

the colorful garland on Your chest

crushed against the blue.

We heard you sing to the moon

in the moonlight of that autumn night,

 your flute exhaling your desire;

we heard you cooing

like a cuckoo in the forest of Vraja

after tasting honeyed fruit,

so to attract again to a love tryst, 

your Radha;

we heard your laughs, your jokes

your herding calls

your persuading and your loving words,

we have touched your hands,

and with our faces, your chest,

your feet we placed on our laps,

our earring grazed your earring,

our cheek touched your cheek,

our limbs against your limbs

in a love dance.

We have seen your throne

when you sat on the soft sand

on our shawls, ⁽¹⁾

we know you

as the King of groves,

of lakes, of seasons, 

of the night skies,

of the forest, of dancers, 

of our minds;

We've seen you dressed in pollen,

in cow dung, 

in dust in the light of dusk,

and whirling among the trees,

with the peacocks, 

surrounded by honeybees,

playing in the pastureland,

the air filled with your scent,

and inebriated by mellows of love

on the riverbank.

Lotus among the lotuses

in a night without end,

Your reign is our land

o King of Rasa,

Dwarka is your solitude,

there is no kingdom of love

superior to Vraja.

(1)  Krishna sat twice on the shawls of the Gopis.  The first time just before the Rasa Dance, to which is referring this stanza, but also during the meeting in Kurukshetra where this poem is taking place.  Manohar Das in his book in Bengali "Vaidagdha-vilasa" reports that this Lila of sitting on the Gopis' shawls happened also in Kurukshetra to recall that intimacy. ( this Lila was also mentioned in a seminar of Madhavananda Prabhu on Kurukshetra) 

The Door Ajar to Vraja

“In Vrndavana there are no Jewel trees without Jewel branches and no jewel branches without Jewel buds. There are no jewel buds without Jewel flowers and there are no jewel flowers without attractive scent. There are water basins surrounding the bases of the trees. The bases are filled with flowing streams appearing like piles of liquid Jewels arising from Jewel mountains. Jewel birds ornament the jeweled bases.”

From- Ananda-vrndavana-campu 1.117-120

"The forest of Vrndavana, which automatically nurtures good qualities within its residents, is unlimited but it appears to be only eighty-four krosas in circumference.  Its golden trees, bushes, and creepers sparkle like emeralds. Fragrant creepers cover the golden jewel inlaid footpaths.  Some places abound in crystal trees, bushes and creepers standing on earth made of rubies.  In other places ruby creepers entwine crustal houses, golden creepers embrace emerald trees, or emerald creepers surround golden trees.  One can also see crystal creepers crawling up ruby trees, or ruby creepers embracing crystal trees."
Ananda-vrndavana-campu ~ Description of Vrndavana

This poem is dedicated to Srila Saccidananda Bhaktivinoda Thakur, one of the great poets and Acharyas of the Gaudiya Sampradaya. He describes in some of his songs, the ecstatic visions of Vraja occurred during his meditations and samadhi.  Often, when chanting my japa, I have walked in my mind to his house in Godrum and then climbed up the staris to the tiny room where he used to chant. It is an offering of gratitude for this legacy of books and teachings. I am always praying for his blessings and guidance.

O mind ~

                        take me to Godrum                      ⁽¹⁾  

to the house of Thakur ~

at the gate side

I will humbly leave my shoes

 and bow and sit in the dark room

to chant my japa;

and you may go to Vraja

where the moon never wanes,

and liquefied love fills the lakes,

where nectar flows in the river

 and tears from the eyes spill,

 soaking the soil mixed with milk,

                     where the charming sound of              ⁽²⁾

 churning and yearning,

singing and jingling,

mingles with fragrances in the breeze;

Where women appear

                    2  from flowering vines,                   ⁽³⁾

and along with trees

 and every being with limbs,

dance ecstatically

in the wind;

birds drink nectar from the Moon,

at night, lotuses bloom

in waters of desire,

eyes turn into bumblebees - at times

stealing the pollen of the Gopis’ minds;

their dresses, the bark of desire trees,
 caress their skin

and become loose

when the note of autumn

pours from the flute;

there caves and riverbanks

are paved with gems,

and flowers and buds

are shining stones

encrusted in jewelled branches;

When seasons of pleasure unfold,

blanketing with petals

valleys and roads,

bowers and groves,

the land and the plants,

bliss oozes as sap,

diadems and garlands

bloom on the trees,

riddles make a juice

of red fruits and reddish lips,

of sweat and musk,

of dusk and dust,

of lotuses and dew,

every word tastes blue.

 Garlanded by kunds

of the liquid love of Radha
is this land of Vraja.

O Mahajana,

by the shelter of this japa

please give me darshan of Vraja,

bestow upon me this mercy ~

to take into my heart

 just one glimpse

through the door,

kept ajar 

by the Golden Avatar!

Notes

  ⁽¹⁾  "O Gurudeva! You have very mercifully given me a place in Godruma within the forest of Gaura Mandala.  You have ordered me to dwell in this place which is [non different from] Vraja and to chant the holy names of Sri Hari." ♫ ♪ ♫ ♪

" Sri Prema das Babaji, being a scholar of the scriptures, understood that Sri Godrum was like Sri Nanda-grama, that in Vrindavan, therefore he settled in this sacred area." Jaiva Dharma by BVThakur

 ⁽²⁾ SBB Vol.III 6.31 "... all about I heard wonderful songs, sung by cowherd women, and the charmin gsound of the churning of butter and the jingling of bangles."

⁽³⁾ Sri Garga Samhita 1.5.10 "Sri Hari said : In Vrindavana, at the end of Dvapara-yuga, you will become flowering vines and then you will change into women in the arena of the rasa dance.  I promise this to you."