Captive of Love

SKS Ch 5 Txt 7 "The wives of the ass-like brahmanas represent people who are subordinate to those with undeveloped faith. Being under the control of the sweetness of Krishna, Who is the Supersoul, they went to the forest and offered themselves to Him." Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakura

Sri Gaura-ganoddesa dipika Text 191 "She who was the wife of the brahmana

who was attached to performing fire sacrifice in Braja has now appeared as Suklambara Brahmacari.  Sri Gauranga begged for and ate rice from him."

This is one of the poems inspired by the continuity between Krishna Lila and Gaura Lila.  The speaker of this poem is one of the Brahmana's wives who later became Suklambara Brahmacari in Gaura Lila. 

Because they all resided on the outskirts of Vraja towards Mathura, along with the other Brahman wives, she had never met Krishna before but only heard about Him and His wonderful activities. 

Krishna, Who always knows His devotees' hearts, arranged for the Gopas to go and beg for some food from the Brahmanas. But the Brahmanas, full of pride about their rituals, their higher varna and false prestige, refused to give them food and forbade their wives as well, to fulfill Krishna's desire. Together with the other wives, she neglected this restriction, and carrying sweets and other preparations, ran into the forest to meet Krishna. After transgressing her relatives' order, she believed in her heart that she would never have to return home again. But Krishna asked her and the others to go back to what she felt was like a prison. When this Lila continued into Gaura Lila, Lord Gauranga went to beg food from her ~ Suklambara Brahmacari. He was now the captive of her love.

Sound ~ 
soaked in the honey of His name

filled my ears

when the boys came,

and the constraints

surrounding my soul,

imposed as duties and roles

crumbled in that moment 

for which I had craved so long.

Since I was first told

about the King of groves,

 my household chores, the hymns

and the reins of kin

dissolved in a longing,

made me indifferent to everything,
and when my heart, 
ensnared among pillars
 of silent loving desires
became finally free,
 no longer muted,
I grasped the sweets,

breads, cakes and creams

and I ran, 
ran into the forest

of my sweetest dreams,

the jars heavy 

with love delights.

The outrage, the restrictions

of faithless relatives,
lapping like shadows at dusk
against my bare feet 
running down a road of no return,

within yet without my heart,

the ribbon-like path

unfurled endlessly ahead of my eyes

like anxious gazelles,

and time crystallized,

when suddenly 
a fragrance of musk

wafted in the air,

and my senses were stunned,

embracing Krsna
as He entered the door of my eyes,
 leaning on his friend
     while He smiled.   

I stood still, astounded ~
sweet was my load of love

 that I placed on the leaves
at his feet,
where I left also my being,
so sour was the way back
with my emptied pots,
salty and silent the tears
in the bitter bite of separation
when I surrendered my dreams
by going back home,
to please with my love Him.

In time, time took away

that imprisonment,

when the Beauteous Cooling Moon
appeared amongst other groves,

and came to my door

begging for food,
now He has become
the captive of my love.