Sleepless Night

Gopala Campu  33.17  "But how can I give up the cowsheds, the forest, the cows. the people of Vraja,my servants, my friends, my gopis, my father and mother and Radha?  Without me, they cannot remain sane for a moment.  Thinking of them, I will be completely burned up as if there were a fire within me."

"My heart is filled with anguish that burns like a host of fiery torches.   I lay down to sleep, but I could not sleep a wink.  It is only with great difficulty that somehow I have survived this night." Sri Lalita Madhava. 

"During the day Krishna's mind was preoccupied with many things, but at night, as He lay beside Balarama in Their bullock cart, His mind was filled only with thoughts of His father and friends.

How would He tell them that He would be staying in Mathura? How would He convince them to return to Vraja? If they did return, how would He and they remain alive, separated from one another?"  NVM p.278

On the day Krishna killed Kamsa, He realized that was not the end of His adventures away from Vraja, He could not go back.

That night Krishna went to sleep in the bullock cart with Balarama, at the edge of the forest on the outskirts of Mathura. Even in this familiar setting, his heart was troubled because the next day He would have to tell Nanda Baba and His friends that He had to stay in Mathura and could not go back with them to Vraja. The events of those last few days in Mathura came into His mind churning His emotions into pangs of love. He remembered also the words of Narada that foretold His long absence from Vraja.  What a sharp pain to His heart thinking of Their future in separation!  

Sleepless night

In the backwoods

with no sound around,

familiar feelings arise

and the turmoil of the heart

echoes loud,

lying in the bullock cart
in the stillness of the dark

many thoughts crowd

back to the day when He had come;

    The words the laundryman spoke    (1)

resounded from a time remote,

his malevolent grin

 swiftly erased

by the touch of His fingertips;

     then the weaver from the past   (2)

desirous to dress Him up,

and the florist with the softest buds  (3)

offering his loving service,

asking for nothing else;

But the feelings that churn

this night into a blend of flavoured remembrances

are the grimaces of grief,

the cries of friends and relatives 

and praises from ladies’ voices  (4)

 He had never heard before,

 how they distracted His mind 

recalling the gopis’ love,

~ its spell...

so that for just one instant, He almost fell,

but was brought back to His senses

by an outcry, far beyond the fences

 as Nanda Baba's love erupted 
"Oh my son!"
~ so intense!

 At once He killed

the wrestler, and then the demon king,

dragging him by the hair

all around for everyone to see,  (5)

for the wrong he did

to the doe-eyed maid

with aguru scented hair.

So, now, how to tell

 father and friends

that He is not going back?

A morrow of sorrow

lurks in His heart,

He feels the burning

        Narada once foretold:    (6)

 many events

would avert His return
for a long time,

and Vraja would turn

into a desert of oases without hope

for those He loves.

They will not live, nor breathe,

the gopis will hardly eat,

Baba will not even drink,

Mother will only sigh,

and what about Him…

alone, far from Vraja and Radha…

from the amorous moonlights,

the forest, the cows,

the river at twilight,

how many nights will come to pass

like this one!...

when due to love, sleep is lost,

since for pain or for pleasure alike

the heart weeps or delights

 in sleepless nights.

((   1)   From NVM p.235  “Krishna at once recognized the washerman as the same unfortunate soul who criticized Lord Ramachandra for having accepted Sita after she had “lived in the house of another man” the demon Ravana.”

(    2)   From NVM p.237  “In a previous life this weaver had been the best tailor of Mithila.  He was requested by Janaka Maharaja to make clothes for Rama and Laksmana on the occasion of Rama’s marriage to Sita.

But even thought the tailor had prepared the finest clothes for the sons of Dasaratha, he was not allowed to dress Them himself.  Thus he lamented, hoping that fate would favour him some day.”

(    3)   SB 10.41.49,51  " [...] Thus with great pleasure he {Sudama} presented Them {Krishna

and Balarama} with garlands of fresh, fragrant flowers."

Sudama chose unshakable devotion for Krishna, the Supreme Soul of all existence;

friendship with His devotees, and transcendental compassion for all living beings."

(    4)   NVM p.263 "Krishna heard the ladies' praise and remembered the gopis.  That momentary distraction gave Canura the upper hand.  Nandaraja, sensing Krishna was in danger, stood up and called out "Oh my son!". 

(    5)   NVM p267 "Holding Kamsa by the hair, Krishna proudly dragged the dead King's lifeless body...."  This to give assurance to the people and the Vrsni that now the demon was dead, but there was also something else that Krishna remembered for which He pulled Kamsa by his hair ...

"Sankhacuda : Now in order to fulfill the unfulfilled desire of my dear friend King Kamsa, I will grab the hair of the lotus-like girl on this throne and drag Her away ."  Sri Lalita Madhava Act II

"And because She dries Her hair with the smoke of burning aguru, the aroma of Her hair fortifies that feeling of Krishna's presence." NVM p. 390

(6)  Gopala Campu 33.109, 111-113 "Krishna said 'Why will I not go to                                                                                                                     Vraja...."

             [Narada] "When Kamsa will be killed, his many friends, just like                                            Jarasandha, will become like him, how will you be able to go?"

             "Krishna said, 'I will not go just to see them?' 

             "Narada said with a rough laugh,

                                 'No, no.'